you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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