I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
