he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
