Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
