Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this hospital has no fireball
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
