If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
