the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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