i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
