so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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