You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
