My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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