wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
