You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
