shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
