i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Your tits are I can't wait for
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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