i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
