ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
