So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
