...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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