i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
