careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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