I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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