I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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