Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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