fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
