im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
