I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
