This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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