why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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