he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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