someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
