omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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