just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
