is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
