You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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