I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
