yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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