Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Watching her eat just hurts me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
