we have pet lesbian snakes
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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