When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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