Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
