I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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