My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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