I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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