dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
