You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
