apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
