I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
