Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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