I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
