My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
