He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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