why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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