Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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