I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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