I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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