Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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