is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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