It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
