honey bunches of taint.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
