She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
