I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I understand Curling. That high.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
