Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
