what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He passed out mid-signature
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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