That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
