Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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