haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and she was petting her beer can
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize