I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
