i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
