Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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