I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.