I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!