ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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