Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
